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for hearing all my doubts so selectively
for continuing my numbing relentlessly
for helping you, and myself, not even considering
for beating myself up and over-functioning
to whom do I owe the biggest apology?
no one’s been crueler than i’ve been to me
for letting you decide if I indeed was desirable
for my self-love being so embarrassingly conditional
for denying myself to somehow make us compatible
for trying to fit a rectangle into a hole
to whom do I owe the biggest apology?
no-one’s been crueler than I’ve been to me
i’m sorry to myself
my apologies begin here before everybody else
i’m sorry to myself
for treating me worse than I would anybody else
for blaming myself for your unhappiness
for my impatience when I was perfect where I was
for ignoring all the signs that I was not ready
for expecting myself to be where you wanted me to be
to whom do I owe the first apology?
no one’s been crueler than I’ve been to me
repeat chorus
well, I wonder which crime is the biggest?
forgetting you or forgetting myself?
had I heeded the wisdom of the latter
I would’ve naturally loved the former
for ignoring you, my highest voice
for smiling when my strife was all too obvious
for being so disassociated from my body
for not letting go when it would’ve been the kindest thing
to whom do I owe the biggest apology?
no one’s been crueler than I’ve been to me
(repeat chorus 2x)